Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
