so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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