why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
