**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
