I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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