i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
