Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
