hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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