just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
