Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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