Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
