she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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