she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
