you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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