Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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