I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
