Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
