That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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