i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
