Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
