She's JV to your varsity
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
