Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
