So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
