i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
