Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
