Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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