So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
