I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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