hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize