So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
