he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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