Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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