10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
