Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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