We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
