just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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