I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
