I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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