She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
