Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
