when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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