Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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