i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize