Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
