wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
