You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
