I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
