Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
