dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize