omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
