I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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