I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
