If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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