Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
