i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
