my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
