you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize