Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
