He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
