why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you will always have a special place in my vag
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize