i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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