gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Send help, water and tortillas.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
