Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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