Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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