You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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