tonight lets celebrate not being married
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
