I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
