why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
