I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
