Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
