are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
