Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
