Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
love makes seman taste better
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
