'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
