On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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