I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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