I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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