oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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