We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
