He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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