well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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