you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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