dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
