There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
