Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My vagina is very pro this idea
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
