I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
