Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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