Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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