omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
