I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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