I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
