he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
