Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
