he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize