He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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